Thursday, March 16, 2006

i eat people

i wish i was a werewolf so i could live under the night and be married to the moon.
i'd stalk around city parks and be one hell of a sexual deviant.


I just turned the big 1-8 last week.
The eighth day of March.
My life is now complete with the ability to legally waste my money on lottery tickets and coffin nails.

It also means that I've got about 9 years left.

I think I'd like to be stoned to death. I want people to throw rocks at me. I'd sure like that kind of attention.
Ofcourse, I wouldn't let the stones kill me. Too slow, too painful. I'd have a sniper waiting on the roof to shoot me down when I give him or her the signal. Right before the crowd brings out the big rocks.
That's how these things are done, you see. The crowd simply toys with their prey for a bit with pebbles and smaller stones. Slaps'em around a bit. Then, when they're ready for some good ol' fashioned bloodshed, they'll bust out the big ones. I want to have the last laugh and screw the crowd out of the pleasure of rendering me motionless.
I'd make sure that the sniper is one of my close friends and is payed handsomely.
I would also be sure to leave him or her a nice bottle of tequila and some limes to pound back after the event. I'm considerate like that.

Goodbye, children.

Posted by Lando Commando @ 1:42 AM