Saturday, December 22, 2007
Well I can see it as time and a sight through smell
Dear Landon,
I've been finding it harder. I've been finding it stronger. I've been finding myself alone.
I've set the slaves out to play for the evening. Sometimes they need a little recreation after a hard day's work. Besides, it gives them time to write new songs to sing while they work. I sure do love the songs that they sing. Simple songs of pain and woe. I eat that shit up for breakfast. It goes good with a nice tall glass of apathy. If it gets quiet I just tell the foremen to whip them harder. Really give them something to cry about. I feed them pretty well so they can't complain about being hungry. Although, I've been suspicious as of late that I've been feeding them too well. You know how I feel about fat people. Gross piggy fuckers.
Sometimes, if I'm bored and think that the slaves are getting a little pudgy, I randomly make them stop work and do laps around the property. Haha! Oh man, do they ever hate that.
Otherwise all is well. Sometimes I set up a screen outside and play movies for them. I went out to watch a movie with them the other day. I doubt I'll be doing that again. Sure, the simple minded fuckers enjoyed the movie, but they didn't get it. They laughed at stupid shit. That's when I came up with my new philosophy -- set fire to the simple minded. I put this philosophy to practice the next night. I grabbed this really big fucker, a very dim bulb, and took him out to one of the fields where it was pitch black. Then I doused him in gasoline and lit a match. It was more enjoyable than I had anticipated. Seeing him run around ablaze, screaming at the top of his lungs and begging for mercy. It was fucking hilarious! Every time he tried to roll on the ground I would just spray him with more gasoline. I chased him around for a while with the red jerrycan. That was so much fun. You've got to try it sometime. Then I just sat on the ground, popped open a can of apple soda, and watched the poor son of a bitch burn like a big flaming marshmallow. It was cloudy so he was the only light in the night.
Often there are arguments among the slaves over whatever movie they're watching so I have to separate the men and the women. The men are easy. Usually I just throw in some porn and they're good to go. Sometimes a shoot 'em up flick to get the testosterone going (it pumps them up and makes them work harder). The women are a little more complicated, it seems. I tried showing them porn but all they did was judge and compare themselves to the women on the screen. That didn't work out. So I started showing them Audrey Hepburn movies. Most of them like it, but some of the fatter ones started bitching about how she was too skinny. At first I said "fuck them", but there is nothing more ultimately irritating than hearing a bunch of fat fucking hens constantly bitch about how some other chick is pretty than them. Bitter bitches, the lot of them. I thought about setting them on fire but I didn't have enough excess gasoline. Besides, if I did that I'd be killing most of my laundry staff. Eventually I gave them that terrible movie with Demi Moore and Rosie O'Donnell called Now And Then. That seemed to shut them up.
I know you don't keep slaves, Landon... or even like slavery. But if you ever get the chance, you should totally torch some simpleton and watch him burn. There's nothing like it. Once is enough, but I'll probably end up doing it again. You know me.
Anyway, how are things in Toronto? Any good crop for concubines and slaves? I've been thinking about assembling a whole team of concubines. Not to marry, 'cause, well, FUCK THAT! Right?! I was just thinking about it the other day. About how I've got all this fucked up shit, but no sex slaves. I don't want to turn any of the slaves I've already got into sex slaves. They're already ruined and hardened by the labor. Some crazy fucking sheik once told me that the best sex slaves are brought up to be sex slaves. I ask you because I figure that the city breeds this type of women, but in a free-range environment.
Well, there's not much else to say right now. Oh, by the way, when you write me back don't remind me about how fucked up I am and that I'm fucking evil and shit. Blah blah blah. It's getting old. But anyway, on that note, I'm going to end this letter.
Love, peace, and chicken grease (without the "love" and "peace" parts)
Sunday, December 16, 2007
the world's still turning? the world's still turning...
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn
turn